Reclaiming Balance: Why Men Must Speak Up and Step In

By Tom Marazzo

In a culture that preaches equality but often practices selective empathy, it’s time we have a serious, respectful, and honest conversation about men our roles, our responsibilities, and the growing weight of silent burdens too many are carrying alone. The conversation about women’s equality has dominated the social, political, and economic space for decades. And much of it was long overdue. But the pendulum has not merely swung; it has slammed to the other side, and in doing so, it has created a different kind of imbalance one that too often vilifies masculinity, shames men into silence, and punishes an entire generation for the sins of their grandfathers.

It’s time for that to end.

A Default of Equality

Let’s start with family law. If you are a man reading this, and you’re a father, you already know the fear that accompanies a custody battle. Courts today claim to act in the “best interests of the child,” but somehow that phrase has become a euphemism for disproportionately awarding custody to mothers. This must change.

The default position in any separation should be 50/50 custody. Unless there is credible evidence proving one parent is unfit or unsafe, both should be presumed equally capable and equally obligated. Leaving a marriage should never equate to abandoning fatherhood. Shared custody should not be the exception it should be the rule. And both men and women should enter separation understanding that they are expected to parent equally, not just financially contribute.

Masculinity Is Not Toxic Misandry Is

We must be equally honest about the state of masculinity. For years, we've been told to “step up,” “man up,” or “do better.” And yes, in some cases, that call was justified. But today, these demands are more often paired with contempt than encouragement.

Masculinity has been rebranded as something dangerous something oppressive. But masculinity is not toxic. Misogyny is toxic. And so is misandry the hatred or contempt for men. But we don’t talk about misandry, because society still doesn’t take men’s suffering seriously. We make jokes about deadbeat dads, dismiss men as buffoons in sitcoms, and label assertiveness in men as aggression while praising it in women as empowerment.

Men are afraid to speak. Afraid to be labelled “toxic,” “insecure,” “misogynist,” or “weak.” Afraid to say they’re struggling. Afraid to be men.

That must stop.

A Crisis Hidden in Plain Sight

The data is alarming:

• Men account for 95–98% of the most dangerous and physically demanding jobs: construction laborers, mechanics, roofers, truck drivers, oil rig workers, firefighters.

• Men make up more than 90% of workplace deaths.

• Men die by suicide at three to four times the rate of women. The highest rates are among working-class men those in the trades, veterans, first responders, and farmers.

• Men are still expected to provide, often without emotional or legal recognition, especially after separation.

And despite all this, we’re told we’re privileged just for being male.

Where is the compassion? Where is the balance?

The Role of Media and Culture

Since the 1990s, the entertainment industry has pushed a caricature of the modern man: the incompetent dad, the goofy husband, the punchline of his own family. The wife is the rational adult, the moral compass, the brains behind the operation. What started as comedy has become reality for many. These depictions have consequences they influence how society views men and how men view themselves.

It is no longer just a trope. It is an expectation.

We’ve replaced the protector with the punchline.

The Untouchable Halo of the “Single Mom”

Let’s be clear being a single mother is difficult. Raising children alone is a heavy burden, and many women do it with admirable strength. But we need to stop glorifying the title in a way that erases the truth of how that lifestyle is often made possible.

In countless cases, the father though divorced is still financially supporting the household through child support, spousal support, and sometimes still paying the family bills. He may have lost his home, been wiped out financially, and is now struggling to rebuild from scratch. All because the court determined that the woman’s standard of living must not drop post-divorce.

What about his standard of living? What about the fact that he now needs to fund a second household just to survive? Where is the societal empathy for his sacrifices?

And what of the effort it takes to stay present in his children’s lives despite barriers, reduced access, and a system that treats him as a visitor? Where is the applause for that? Where is the recognition of his ongoing emotional labor and presence?

Instead, we elevate the term “single mom” as though it inherently represents hardship, without acknowledging that the man is often the reason she can remain a stable single parent in the first place. Without his contributions, her story might look very different. But no one talks about that. He’s invisible except when the payment is late.

This is not about tearing down women. It’s about acknowledging the full picture and giving fathers the credit they deserve for doing their part and often more after divorce.

Why Is Child Support from Fathers So Low in Canada?

Despite stereotypes, the problem isn’t that fathers don’t want to support their children it’s that the system too often makes it punitive and unbalanced. Here’s why:

1. Overestimated Income and Financial Collapse
   Child support is based on gross income, not what’s left after taxes, housing, legal bills, or supporting a second household. If a man’s income drops, the burden of reapplying for a change rests entirely on him often at great expense.

2. Loss of Custody = Loss of Leverage
   Many fathers lose access and custody but still pay the maximum allowable support. They're financially punished without legal or emotional reciprocity.

3. Job Instability
   Many fathers work in contract, trade, or self-employed roles where income varies wildly. The system is rigid. It assumes consistency where there is none.

4. Enforcement Over Fairness
   The Family Responsibility Office (FRO) can suspend a man’s driver’s license or passport, garnish wages, or seize bank accounts. Meanwhile, there is no reciprocal enforcement for court-ordered parenting time.

5. Emotional Burnout and Alienation
   Some fathers stop trying not because they don’t care, but because the system teaches them that their presence doesn’t matter, only their payments do.

The result? In Canada, less than half of custodial parents receive child support, and among those who do, a substantial number experience incomplete, delayed, or inconsistent payments. This isn’t because of irresponsibility. It’s because of a system that ignores the human and financial realities of men’s lives.

Two Different Fears

Let’s be transparent. There is a harsh reality that underpins the psychological difference between men and women:

A man fears that a woman will laugh at him.
A woman fears that a man will kill her.

This difference speaks to a truth about power, vulnerability, and perception. Women must navigate the world with caution because of physical disparities. Men, however, are now conditioned to walk on eggshells to avoid being emotionally or reputationally destroyed.

This doesn’t make women manipulative or men victims. It means both sexes have survival strategies, forged by different vulnerabilities. But equality must acknowledge both sets of risks, not just one.

DEI and the Illusion of Fairness

Despite billions spent on Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI), gendered labor patterns haven’t changed. The most male-dominated and dangerous jobs are still filled by men. The most caregiving, nurturing roles are still overwhelmingly female.

Why?

1. Biological Preferences and Aptitudes – Men and women, on average, are drawn to different types of work based on interests and capabilities.

2. Cultural Expectations – Despite “equality,” men are still expected to take risk-heavy, labor-intensive roles. Women are still directed toward nurturing ones.

3. Double Standards in Workplace Equity – DEI initiatives focus heavily on getting women into male-dominated fields but rarely address the reverse. There is no push to recruit men into daycare centers, nursing, or early education.

The Call to Men

Men: It’s time to reclaim your identity, not in opposition to women, but in partnership with them. Reject the lie that being a man is something to apologize for. Protect, provide, nurture, and lead not because society tells you to, but because it’s in your nature.

• Speak about fatherhood, and fight for your right to be present in your children’s lives.

• Speak about suicide, about depression, about trauma without shame.

• Stop laughing along with those who mock you in the media. Call it out.

• Stop apologizing for existing.

Masculinity is not the problem. Silence is.

In Search of Balance

This is not a call for men to dominate, nor for women to retreat. This is a call for balance, for mutual respect, and for a world where men are not diminished for being men. We should not replace one set of privileges with another, nor should we continue to punish today’s men for yesterday’s mistakes.

Feminism taught women to find their voice.

Now it’s time for men to remember theirs.