Why I Feel Awful and Don't Fit In Anymore

By Tom Marazzo, Captain (Ret’d), Canadian Army

I find myself often consumed by anger. I cannot leave Canada because my children live here, and I will not leave them unprotected, so it’s not an option. There is a grand irony these days that I cannot shake. Why do I possess the morals, ethics, and values I hold today—the very ones that many in our current society in Canada seem to despise? The answer is clear: I learned them here in Canada from my family, friends, TV heroes, sports, martial arts, and the military. I was taught to be fair and never act cowardly. You don’t kick someone when they’re down. Instead, you display honor, discipline, and compassion.

When someone needs help, you help—friend or foe. You don’t bully people, and you never let someone bully you. You certainly never allow bullies to torment weaker kids either. You don’t lie, cheat, or steal, and you take responsibility for your mistakes. I could list many values and virtues, but I’ve expressed the point. I know the difference between right and wrong, and I’m prepared to suffer the consequences for both.

But why am I the way I am? Why are these my values? The answer lies in the concept of society. Society, fundamentally, is a community of people living together, sharing customs, laws, and organizations. I am this way because my entire society taught me to be this way with its cumulative morals, ethics, and values.

So, why am I so angry that everything I have been taught is now being questioned? I am highly educated, I served in the military, I was an educator and still a taxpayer. This makes me a highly contributing member of society, which I believe is a good thing.